He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
