I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
