Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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