dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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