so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
