A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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