do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
