I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
