If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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