You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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