dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
