Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
