2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
