She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
