did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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