My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
did i walk over a car last night?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
