Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...

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(913): View more from Kansas

What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.

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(641): View more from Iowa

So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?

(563): View more from Iowa

1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World

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(641): View more from Iowa

im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships

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(785): View more from Kansas

I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.

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