Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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