Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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