I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
