I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
