Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
