dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
