I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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