Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
