I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
