so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
