I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
