My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
