I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
