I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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