Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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