It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
