A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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