Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
