nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Never underestimate the power of titties
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
