I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
