Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
