May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ugly people sure do ruin things
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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