So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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