my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
