FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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