He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
