Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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