Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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