dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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