Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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