some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
time to smoke my breakfast
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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