this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
