Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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