Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
