Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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