I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I need help removing her.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
