i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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