She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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